This was a huge fad when I was in high school–and I several of my friends bought in to it.
Going to school at John Brown University, a small Christian school, I saw first hand, the fruit of such a national Christian subculture movement.
Guys were afraid to ask girls on dates. Some guys did not even know how. If a guy did get up the courage to initiate, he had big expectations of where the relationship was going to go. Additionally, rumor spread quickly through the campus of the new couple–we often joked “are they engaged yet?”
All parties involved had huge expectations–guy, girl, social community–far too serious in my opinion for a casual first date.
So guys generally did not date girls unless they were somewhat convinced the girl was “the one”. Way too much social pressure.
I am not suggesting someone should seriously date someone they do not intend to marry, or be involved in a relationship for the benefits and not the long-term commitment.
I do think casual dating is a healthy process for guys and girls as they begin thinking about what may SLOWLY come about in the bigger picture.
You know, this topic comes up fairly frequently within the youth group. “Is it ok for us to date?” Or more commonly, “Is it ok for us to date/be friends with/have relationships with non-Christians?” Hmm. While I always tell the kids that this is something they should probably talk to their parents about, I feel obligated to share my opinion as well.
I feel like this article really illuminated how the choice not to date can yield some pretty funky social consequences. I think dating in a healthy sense can teach us a lot about how to be the person we’re supposed to be.
I had a buddy who went to a Christian university in Rochester, NY that had a “courting, not dating” policy. That meant that every relationship you got yourself into was supposed to be treated as if it would most probably turn into marriage. Yikes! The student body at this school had a pretty tongue-in-cheek motto to go along with the policy: “A ring by spring or your money back.” haha.
Although I don’t see a thing wrong with casual dating from a social sense, I do tell the youth group kids that having such relationships with non-believers can be pretty unwise. It can be dangerous for us to be building our understanding of guy/girl social relationships with people who have completely different spiritual standards than we do. Not evil or horrible, just unwise, in my opinion. So, rest easy, parents.
link to article
June 5th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
This was a huge fad when I was in high school–and I several of my friends bought in to it.
Going to school at John Brown University, a small Christian school, I saw first hand, the fruit of such a national Christian subculture movement.
Guys were afraid to ask girls on dates. Some guys did not even know how. If a guy did get up the courage to initiate, he had big expectations of where the relationship was going to go. Additionally, rumor spread quickly through the campus of the new couple–we often joked “are they engaged yet?”
All parties involved had huge expectations–guy, girl, social community–far too serious in my opinion for a casual first date.
So guys generally did not date girls unless they were somewhat convinced the girl was “the one”. Way too much social pressure.
I am not suggesting someone should seriously date someone they do not intend to marry, or be involved in a relationship for the benefits and not the long-term commitment.
I do think casual dating is a healthy process for guys and girls as they begin thinking about what may SLOWLY come about in the bigger picture.
June 8th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
You know, this topic comes up fairly frequently within the youth group. “Is it ok for us to date?” Or more commonly, “Is it ok for us to date/be friends with/have relationships with non-Christians?” Hmm. While I always tell the kids that this is something they should probably talk to their parents about, I feel obligated to share my opinion as well.
I feel like this article really illuminated how the choice not to date can yield some pretty funky social consequences. I think dating in a healthy sense can teach us a lot about how to be the person we’re supposed to be.
I had a buddy who went to a Christian university in Rochester, NY that had a “courting, not dating” policy. That meant that every relationship you got yourself into was supposed to be treated as if it would most probably turn into marriage. Yikes! The student body at this school had a pretty tongue-in-cheek motto to go along with the policy: “A ring by spring or your money back.” haha.
Although I don’t see a thing wrong with casual dating from a social sense, I do tell the youth group kids that having such relationships with non-believers can be pretty unwise. It can be dangerous for us to be building our understanding of guy/girl social relationships with people who have completely different spiritual standards than we do. Not evil or horrible, just unwise, in my opinion. So, rest easy, parents.